The Night the Jounins Went Crazy
by Ghettovenger
Summary: those crazy, crazy Jounin ninjas have finally cracked. observe the previously unobservable as their hidden quirks are bared...


Disclaimer: There is no Disclaimer, Neo.  
  
If you don't like this, whatever. Sleep deprivation created this monstrosity, and I'm not afraid of criticism when I have no attachment to the story whatsoever. So here it is, unabridged and uncensored:  
  
"The Night the Jounin's went Crazy"  
  
Naruto stumbled through the lonesome path, in a daze. Had he really seen what he THOUGHT he saw? No. nonononononononononononononononNO. Absolutely...NOT. If it was, he was scarred for life. If it wasn't, he was still scarred for life, so he guessed that it didn't matter.  
  
Is that legal? He wondered, leaning against a tree for support. That CAN'T be legal.  
  
Well, he was never going to see Iruka...OR Kakashi...in the same light ever again. It made the Sexy no Jutsu look like a day at church.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"...and when he started insisting that we refer to him as 'Mack Daddy Kakashi', we knew things had gotten out of control." Sakura finished her explanation hurriedly. "So we came to you, Hokage-sama."  
  
"Yeah!" Naruto said, with some residual horror left over from his experience. "and you should've seen what they were doing with those scantly clad women! I will never recover." He stated resolutely, and then collapsed into the fetal position, crying softly and muttering "Dirty" and "Sanchez" repeatedly for no apparent reason, in rapid succession.  
  
"hmm..." the Hokage sat, in total thought. "so...Iruka and Kakashi have entered Mack Mode..."  
  
"umm...Hokage-sama?" a voice from the doorway called hesitantly. "I believe Gai-Sensei has also entered this 'Mack Mode' of which you speak."  
  
"Lee?" Tsunade spoke, fearing the worst. At the same moment, a loud commotion and a scream was heard from the street, just outside the window. At a motion from the Hokage, Sakura slammed the window up and peered down at the problem.  
  
"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" and with that, the pink-haired scatterbrain passed out. Steeling herself for the worst, Tsunade peered out the window herself.  
  
It was worse than she feared. Gai was streaking through the city, dashing at every lady older then 16 and younger then 30. "LADIES!!! YOUR MAN-STUD HAS ARRRIVVVVVEEEEEDDDD!!!!!!"  
  
The entire town was in a state of chaos. Shikamaru arrived shortly after Gai had left, holding an unconscious Ino in his arms and weaving a tale of Cigars and kunochi. Apparently, Asuma had used his expensive Cubans in a way that would have made Bill Clinton blush (had he been alive in that dimension, that is). Reports were flowing in. Tsunade had to take action, FAST. But what to do?  
  
"There is only one way to fix this problem." Tsunade said to herself. "But it isn't pretty."  
  
"Please tell me it isn't Penis Removal no Jutsu." Kiba said from the corner of the office. The dazed look he had had ever since Kuronei had first come onto him had faded, and was now replaced by an unusually fearful look.  
  
"oh no, nothing that extreme. No, what we need is..."  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
Inside the Konohagakure Auditorium  
  
"This had better be good." Kakashi spoke haughtly, as he checked his bling- bling gear again for the millionth time. "Iruka and I need to get back to our pimping."  
  
"Damn straight, mothafuc-"  
  
"Attention! Your attention please!" the terrified young Konohamaru squeaked. "an announcement from the Hokage!"  
  
"ooh, do you think she wants some of THIS!" Gai yelled, thrusting furiously in the direction of the stage. Mind you, he still wasn't wearing any clothes. Kuronei threw him an appraising glancing before blowing chunks all over Pimp Masta Asuma, who might have objected but for the fact that he had graduated from cigars to pot, and was still trying to adjust. At that moment, the curtains drew, revealing the legendary Tsunade and the equally legendary if-not-quite-as-sexai Jiraiya..  
  
"You've all taken this shit too far" Tsunade began. "and that's why it needs to stop. Here to re-educate you all, I bring you...Jiraiya!"  
  
Without skipping a beat, Jiraiya let his robes fall to the ground.  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
2 hours later.  
  
"I am never going to love again." Gai said sadly, now wearing his trademark green jumpsuit.  
  
"likewise." The rest of the jounin group joined in the chorus of agreements, except for Kakashi, who was currently burning his bling-bling gear. 


End file.
